I’m Not In *gasp* Control


If you know me, you know I hate –absolutely hate- having things out of my control. I like to be in control. I like to have my answer to all my problems close by so I can fix them. Thing is, I don’t always have things in my control. And it’s far away from my grasp. Yet I keep reaching for it instead of praising and worshiping Jesus.

Well Thursday as we were driving to drop my boyfriend off from staying six days with me and my family, something happened that was COMPLETELY out of my control. And it was worse than the time it happened: My brother had a panic and asthma attack.

It was so bad he his hands got stiff and clammy. He felt like he was going to pass out. He couldn’t breathe. He was freaking out. And wanted to the hospital. Literally begging to go. But the thing is, going to the hospital would do nothing. Because the first time it happened, the doctors said he would have to calm himself down. There was nothing they could do.

So in our frantic act to try to help him we pull over and give him a puff of my boyfriends inhaler. Me and Jim start praying over him. Crying out to God to bring healing to his body. We then get in the car and pray that the inhaler and praying worked. But sadly, it didn’t instantly happen then and there. In fact he told us he was doing not only the same. But doing worse…

Now tears the size of the ocean are trying to come out, but I couldn’t cry.  I couldn’t show my terrified fear busting to come forth to the surface. Or else it would have possibly made it harder for Clay to calm down. And let me tell you, I have never been more terrified than in that moment.

So we get back on the road and we’re trying to calm him down as we get closer to meeting Jim’s mom to dropping him off. And we’re trying to get him to calm down but it’s still not working like we’d hope it would. Then all the sudden, his sister texts him and ask him if he wants to stay another night? He obviously says yes! So we turn around and start heading back to my house.

Clay starts repeating in choppy words that he needs to go to the hospital. And then we all start praying louder, confessing who Jesus is with our tongues, praising Him, rebuking Satan in Jesus Name. Worship songs are blaring. We are yelling out our battle cry. Telling Satan he must leave. Mom starts speaking in tongues. The Holy Spirit invaded that car.

Clay starts breathing better! But then, yet once again, it gets worse. And it keeps on doing that on and off. He starts getting frantic asking over and over again, to take him to the hospital. Until we tell Him to start praising Jesus and rebuking Satan in Jesus Name. And for the first time, that I have ever heard or witnessed, Clay begins to press into Jesus!

He tells us all, for the first time, ever, he felt God. His breathing goes back to normal. And he is healed!

Sometimes all you have to do, to have it all fixed and made better (sometimes better than what you imagined), is praising Jesus! Declaring who you are in Him. Declaring your victory in Him. Declaring all His promises over yourself, out loud, with your mouth. And rebuking Satan and telling him what for in Jesus Name.

Especially when it’s out of your control.

God showed me, through what happened with my brother, that I am 100% not in control. It’s all in His Hands. And you can either hand it to Him and save yourself worry and heartache, or do it later when you’re hurting and broken.

It’s our choice.

Our future at stake.

What will we choose?

Because we are not in control.

Xo, —Blessed Brunette

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