”I don’t wanna speak anymore unless they listen God. I’m tired of speaking and they don’t take what I say and hold onto it.”
Sometimes you just get tired. You get tired of pouring into people words you think will encourage them when they just listen and toss it and forget about it. You get tired of trying to help when they seem to just ignore you. You get so tired of tirelessly trying to come up with something to encourage people in your life, because they suddenly find what you said 5 months ago in a sermon and you’re like “I told you that months ago.”
Anyone else ever feel this way? Like what you said could never compare to what they’ve said, so why do you even try?
That is exactly why I struggle with being bold. Because I don’t want to be rejected like that ever again. I don’t want to pour out my heart to encourage them, and then have them just turn away from it and toss it away. That feeling is the worst.
So to protect myself from it, I stopped. I just stopped completely. I keep what God reveals to me to myself. I let people in my life figure out their problems themselves. I don’t give advice. I just listen. Because I also don’t want that advice thrown back in my face when it’s me, and I really am scared of being a hypocrite. I just stay quiet and keep it all to myself. Because if I’m bold and put myself out there, it’s possibly I’ll get hurt again. I don’t wanna get hurt again.
But then today when I was aggravated and mad over this fact, God lead me to this verse:
“So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.”
— 1 Peter 4:19
That feeling feels so close to suffering for me. My heart is crushed and my spirit is weary. I just am so tired. But this verse reminded me, that it’s not for me, but for God is why I am called to be bold. He is the reason I should always speak out and step to be bold. I am His Child and I never grow weary because I hope and wait on the Lord.
My pride gets in the way, I make it all about me, but it’s always about Him. So it’s time I step up and love boldly for Him and speak when He gives me something to say. And encouraging everyone around me and help them when I can.
Lord use me to help those around me. Use me, speak to me, I’m listening. I’m ready now.