To The Boy I Fell in Love With

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I can remember when I was four, I would sit some afternoons in front of the front door and sit & wait for My Prince Charming to come along and sweap me off my feet. Obviously he didn’t come till much later, but fast forward four years and I would run, skip, walk around the house saying, “There’s a boy out there and he loves me. He just doesn’t know it yet.” I always knew that somehow God had created someone for me to love, and someone to love me back. He was out there I just didn’t know “who” yet. Little did I know that he was nine living in Hazard playing with his action figures.

Y’all know that most girls want to have a boyfriend right around the age of twelve and I was no exception. I wanted to have a boyfriend like every other girl on planet earth. I wanted to go on movie dates with a boy who would be my best friend. I wanted him to just hold my hand and kiss me on the cheek. Like most girls my age did. But, sadly, that didn’t happen and my twelve year old heart just longed for it more. And each year after that, I longed for a boyfriend even more. Especially in high school when it seemed like everyone had one but me.

Then the end to my Junior year happened.🙊

It was the last of January when a Mr. Jim White entered my DM’s out of the blue (ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE |Also heads up I have kinda a lot of those 😬|). We became best friends over night. We had this specially bond that I hadn’t had before. Frankly, he was my first best friend.

Now he says he had a crush on me the moment he met me (😍). I loved him the moment I met him, but… I ignored it because I thought God had planned for me to end with this other guy I had liked for a year or two (LETS JUST THANK GOD THAT HE HAD DIFFERENT PLANS🙌🏼). But that wasn’t God’s plan at all and that makes my heart so happy & makes me smile for days!!!

So then January turns into February (btw this all happened in 2015) and I slowly start realizing that I can’t ignore the fact that I am in love with this man. I’m in love with how he loves God. I am in love with how he wants to make a change in this world and he who God has called him to be. I am in love with who God is molding him into becoming. I am in love with how he thinks my sass is cute. I am just in love with him! But there are two things getting in the way of me thinking we’ll work out

  1. He lives in an hour away
  2. My mom doesn’t know about him and his mom doesn’t know about me
  3. This is the big one: HE HAS SWORN OFF DATING AND HE’LL JUST BE SINGLE AND DO THE WORK GOD HAS FOR HIM. Because no girls will ever find him attractive or love him. That girl doesn’t exist. “Why hello there, I’m the girl who doesn’t exist.”

So there goes that plan even if I did think about us being a couple, because he doesn’t want to be apart of “a couple” and I am falling for him harder & harder by the hour of everyday. WHY ME?!?! 

Why do I always like the guys who don’t want anything to do with me? But then God stepped in and shifted things into motion…

It happened on one February morning, school was cancelled and mom didn’t go to work it snowed so bad. I was talking to mom and then all the sudden I start crying because I was so confused. Here my life seems to turn from the path toward this guy I thought I would marry, to this new guy who shows up in my life, becomes my best friend and I have fallen in love with over night. So now I have no idea what God is planning for my life. I am in full panic mode.

 I start pouring out my heart to mom asking her a thousand questions that probably made her spin like: “What if *boys name* he’s the one? But he dates all these others girls and I’ve kinda made it obvious I like him, and it hurts to see him with these others girls. But what if he’s not one (was thinking of Jim when I said that but mom didn’t know about him yet, sorry mom), how is it all going to work out?” (Remember at that time he was going to remain single and do the work God has for him so it seemed hopeless to me).

But mom being the sweet, loving, kind and wise mom she is, told me again what she had told me to do a few months ago: “Lay your fleece down at Gods’ feet.” That was not what I was expecting her to tell me. That is the black and white answer I was looking for. Thanks mom, NOT. 

So I then go back to bed and for once, it wasn’t the other boy who’s face was filling my head, it was Jim’s…

Fast forward a few days and it is Valentine’s Day!! The day I have been praying that Jim will just wake up and tell me he wants me to be his Valentine. How amazing would that be, to have the boy I have fallen in love with tell me he is in love with on my one of my favorite holidays? Did it happen? No. And what did I end up doing? Staying up late that night bashing Valentine’s Day with him. Both of us complaining about how single we were & how sickening couples were on Valentine’s Day. All the while, my hopeless romantic heart is thinking about how much I love the mushy side of Valentine’s Day. 

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking “how in the world did these two ever end up together?” However, I can gladly tell you this “Because God planned it all out. I let him take control. And now I’m with the man I’ll marry one day.”

Now back to the story we’re almost done.

Now March has come upon us and I am so close to telling him how I feel. It’s on the tip of my tongue everyday to say “so you know how you say no girl will ever love you? You know the girl who doesn’t exist? Well…SURPRISE! I’m the girl who doesn’t exist!” But it was only by praying hard every night & day, that if we were meant to be, then Jim would tell me he liked me. He would pursue me. Not the other way around.

While all this was going on with me, turns out, his friends were telling him that he should go on and tell me he liked me. CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THIS? He apparently loved me the moment he met me. Had a crush on me. And hasn’t told me yet? OH MY GOODNESS. If I had known this, back when he finally told me he liked me, I would have pranked him and made him wait a little longer.

Ugh… but back to the story….

But what did happen in March was one night, at 3AM he messaged me a list with 12 reasons of why I was amazing. Y’all, that list made me cry and beg God to let me date Jim. To let us become a couple. But I also added in that prayer … “only if we’re meant to be.”

NOW, FINALLY, we are in April an I am in agony here. I just have come to the point where I think I’ll just end up being a nun, there is no hope for me what so ever. But then… April 7th comes along and surprises me. 

Jim has been acting funny all day, especially after he tells me he’s got something to tell me. Now I hate waiting, so every two hours (I think) I keep asking him “can you tell me now?” Obviously he says no. Then the clock strikes 3:45 and he tells me that his family is coming in, and he may not get to talk to me as much. (BUMMER FOR ME. He hasn’t told me the surprise yet.) Then he adds that since it will be storming that evening, that his wifi might go out, so can he have my number? I don’t give my number out to anyone unless I know them. But oddly enough, I gave him my number.

Y’all are probably thinking he is oh so smoothe & cool. That would be true, but then HE tells me that he is going to go take a nap. WHAT?! A NAP?! And he still hasn’t told me about the thing he’s going to tell me? YOU HAVE GOT TO NE KIDDING ME. 

Well he couldn’t take a nap so we spend the evening talking, then around 7 he texts me saying his wifi is out. We then spend the night texting away. Then around 11 I ask him “Now will you tell me?”…

HE DID!!! The secret was he LIKED ME!! JIM LIKED ME AND HE WANTED ME AND HIM TO BE IN THAT IN-BETWEEN PHASE OF BEING NOT JUST FRIENDS OR BEING BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND BUT BEING A THING. Eeee!!!! I was so happy! That we were a thing!

On April 18th 2015, at 3:20 AM, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And then we roll into June my mom finds out about him, his mom finds out about me in August. We meet for the first time in October. We then go to Winter Jam that next February, I get a promise ring that day, everyone on Facebook thinks it’s an engagement ring… Now here we are! Our second Valentine’s Day together as couple! Eee!!!❤️💋💗😭✨🎉 I could not be happier than I am right now!!!!!

So to the boy I fell in love with… Thank you for coming along when you did. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for loving me, despite my mess & messed I get myself into. Thank you for loving me when I get angry. Thank you for not getting angry at me, and showing me what it means to love well & forgives others. Thank you for putting God first and me second. Thank you for always leading me closer to him. Thank you for being my Ephesians 5 guy. Thank you for not running away from me, but toward me, constantly pursuing me. Thank you for never leaving. Thank you for listening to God when He said “That’s her. That’s your someone better.” Thank you for being my Prince Charming that I waited at my front door for at age four. You are simply more amazing than I thought you would be! Eee hehe!! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! You have made my life so much better since you stepped into it. And you have loved me with all your heart. You are the best! I am forever thankful and grateful for you. I love with all my heart, Mr. Smoothe! And I can’t wait to spend many more Valentine’s Days with YOU!!! 

Love you baby!!!!! Happy Valentine’s Day!!! XO. ❤️💗🎉✨

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