Afraid

I am afraid. Point blank, I am afraid. I have problems trusting God when I don’t see right in front of me what He has planned, or I don’t have a guess of what it could be. I become afraid, terrified even. I don’t like it.

I feel like I’m stuck, like I’m not moving anywhere. I’m just sitting & I can’t do nothing. I have no control. I feel like everything is going to fall apart. I try to do something but it flops, and panic sinks in. Suddenly fear takes over and I’m full blown worrying.

Anxiety starts to make it hard to breathe & I just feel like everything is doomed. I get mad & angry, shaking my hand in the air asking “why?” I cry until my eyes are swollen & my nose is stopped up, and I have the guts to ask God “why did you leave me?” I start making the conversations I have with others about my situation and I talk about it over & over again like it will somehow magically change it.

Plus I get angry, mad and take it out on everyone else.

Clearly I am doomed. No miracle is going to come my way. It is over. It is done. There is no where to go now. It is over.


Wait. Hold up. Am I or am I not, the one telling others around me to have faith because God will work it out? Am I or am I not, the one telling others around me that it’s not over until God says it’s over? Am I or am I not, the one telling others around me that when it all feels like God’s has left you & His Promises feel like they are void, that He is still good & He has the final say?

Why am I so afraid, when I know who is in control? Because I’m playing it safe. 

I’m relying on what I can see & what I can do. I’m not jumping and taking the leap of faith, knowing God is bigger than me and His Will, will be done. I’m not trusting Him and keeping my eyes on Him, when things seem like they are falling apart. I’m not keeping my faith alive, I’m letting it die.

So where I do I go from here? How do I renew my faith? How do I trust again and let go?

Simple. I turn my eyes back to Him. I let everything go and trust that He won’t let me fall, won’t let me go, and He will provide & make a way like He always does. My God is bigger than what I see in front of me. My God is bigger & mightier than that mountain & giant staring me down. He hasn’t failed yet and He won’t start now.

I will call upon His name and repuke my fear. I will stop listening to the voice of fear & tune my ears & heart to His voice. I will pray & believe my faith can be renewed. I will not stay here in the pit of doubt & fear. I will get up and follow Jesus again as I keep my eyes upon Him. I will do all of this & my childlike faith will come alive again, because perfect love casts out fear. 

Jesus is the definition of love, perfect love comes from Him. Fear is not apart of Him, it has to leave wherever He is. 

So, wherever He goes, I shall follow. I will make it my goal to love, not judge. I will keep my eyes upon Him & trust Him all the days of my life. Fear has no place in my life, when He is my Captain. I will walk through the valley and not be afraid for my God is with me and He’s with you too.

Xoxo,

Blessed Brunette

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